I am nobody, I am everybody.

Sal Burrola

2009-08-24T19:30:00.002-05:00

My uncle Sal, He was a great man that lives on in our memory.

I had known him my whole life. Every Christmas at Grandmas we would expect to see him. As a small child I just remember him being the tallest and most robust person that I could imagine, physically and personally.

Sal went to Don Bosco Tech (my brother's alma mater). He fell in love with his high school sweetheart, Jean, who is my mom's younger sister. Afterwards he had three amazing children, Rebecca, Eric, and David.

Sal is the kind of guy who takes pride in everything that is his, his home, his work, and especially his family. You know he has experienced struggles in his life, but his demeanor always gave me the impression that he squashed them all, under his sneakers.

When my Mom passed away, however he seemed to know the right words to say to reach out to someone that would be heartbroken. Beyond his tough guy front, He was sensitive enough to know what was important among family at the time of a crisis like that. As all of us struggled with the loss of my mom, he was able to be strong and solid for us in ways that we could not be for ourselves.

The special time for my relationship with Sal happened when I had moved out of my dad's house into community life in San Diego. I was brought close to him, and would get to spend more time with him as a result. He was not shy in the festivities that he would host over the course of the year, and i was priveleged to be a part of each one.

I would find that most evenings following dinner he would share many of his stories, some dealing with those Salesian priests, some growing up in East LA, as well as sharing all his stories as a family man. However, to be honest, one of the coolest things was seeing his armaments, swords, and heavy artillery!

To my shock, he would begin diminishing shortly after, and would be in and out of the hospital. I received a shocking phone call from my dad to find out that he had passed away.

After I had prayed, and grieved over the tremendous loss to our family, I felt a tremendous gratitude. I had been present in his life when he was doing great. He had a nice house for the family, and had seen them all grown up. He gave his girl away in marriage, watched one son become a soldier, and the other an artist. I know he had reached a point in his life where he had no regret. And i was blessed how he had shared with me about his own faith, which is an inspiration to me as well. Sitting with him during that year gives me so much confidence of the presence of God in and throughout his life. I know in my heart that that presence is definite now.

Fr. Tom Martin, OSA, Augustinian Scholar

2009-06-02T11:27:00.002-05:00

Fr. Tom Martin, OSA, passed away in the beginning of this year. It was truly an unfortunate death, of an Augustinian who died to quick. The loss is a cause of grief for many of us who knew him well.

For several years Tom was THE Augustinian scholar residing in North America. He had been our go-to-guy whenever we needed some answers on Augustinian spirituality. He was a professor at Villanova University, and a valuable member of that community. He was, however, a member of the Chicago province, and was always valuable there as well.

Tom would be invited toward the end of the year to give a presentation on Augustinian spirituality to the novitiate class. His presentation would be somewhat of a synthesis of our whole year, to sum up the most important elements of what we already learned.

Tom would also give a presentation on Augustinian Formation to one of the conferences that we had in our class. These experiences of him have become incredibly valuable, considering that they would be some of his last presentations to the novices.

Tom had a long scholarly career in the Augustinians, traveling throughout Chicago his home of Chicago, to finish his education. He also spent some time in Rome at OSA HQ.

One of the most important parts of Tom's presentation on Augustinian Spirituality, would be as I remember it, he said "Augustinian Spirituality is Christocentric." He did not just gloss over this fact, taken it for granted. Christ was seen in the images of the path and goal of our journeys, as well as the medicine man/healer, and as well as Christ in the poor. These were some of the thematic images that Augustine drew on for Christ. During my novitiate year, Christ the healer was very important. Lately, Christ as road and destination is becoming very significant, considering how I keep traveling.

Augustine, however does not limit Christ to some abstract person in another world, but in our hearts, and in the hearts of our community. Augustinian Spirituality is about community, and Tom doesn't stray from that.

Lately I have been reading his book "Our Restless Hearts" and I can hear his voice as I read his words. I am needing a refresher in Augustinian Spirituality this summer, and that is why I need him now.

Fr. Ray Ryan, OSA, Novice Master

2009-06-02T10:56:00.003-05:00

Fr. Ray Ryan OSA

When I was ready for Novitiate, I was told that Ray Ryan would be my novice master. Everyone was excited, they were convinced that Ray was amazing. All the friars that I knew in San Diego, were convinced that I would have a great year in Racine, precisely because Ray Ryan would come out of retirement and become my Novice Master.

Did he live up to the hype? Well quite beyond the hype, my novitiate year was amazing precisely because of Ray Ryan.

Ray Ryan was from Southside Chicago. He was a little Irish, a little Slovinian, graduating from St. Rita's High School, as many more of the Augustinians in Chicago have. He went on to Augustinan religious life, well to become a priest, as many other young men did at that time. That would move him from Chicago, through Villanova University with the other Augustinian seminarians.

He was put through a process of formation, that was quite efficient, but ineffective, more like a cleric conveyer belt, intent on assembling the perfect little good priest. Holiness, however is not a conveyer belt, it is a grace. Ray understood this reality, and took into our formation.

Over the years, he had worked in formation, as well as a few parishes. He was incredibly popular in his province though, and would be elected as provincial multiple times. In the capacity of Prior Provincial, many of the Augustinians in California would become familiar with him, and he would win their admiration as well.

The Novice Master has a special place in religious life, just as Novitiate does. Novitiate is a very sacred time in religious life, where the young religious commits himself to a stricter form of discipline, contemplation, and receives a clear consistent sense of their identity as a religious. For myself, My novitiate year would be a year when I would come to understand clearly who I must be as an Augustinian.

One of the major obstacles in my vocation, had been my own fear that the sins of my past made it impossible for me to be an Augustinian. I was quite convinced of this. However, the rebel in me wanted to push those limits, and break into my vocation to see what God would have to say. I was still scared. I spoke to Ray of these fears, and he was very understanding. He knew what he had to do to help me in my own unique way to become an Augustinian.

I found that my own openness to him, resulted in a real bond that would constantly be renewed. Ray, out of everyone in my Novitiate group, came to understand my humor while nobody else quite could. He was capable of making it fun. This was very important for an Augustinian Novitate, that we form communal bonds through tears, and especially laughter.

Some of the best memories with Ray included his fiftieth anniversary at St. Jude's in New Lennox. The whole Church was packed by people that were inspired in some way by him. I was amazed at how many people where there.

I would also be introduced to Chicago through Ray. My first visit to Chicago would be guided by the kind of tour that he would give us. I learned what the important locations where. Now I live there, and know Chicago like the backside of my hand. So in some sense he has made Augustinian Life a home for me.

When I made my first vows, Ray made it out to Los Angeles for that. I still visit with him on a regular basis, as he is trying to discover what "semi-retirement" means for a priest.

The Tunnel Rats, How Hip Hop Saved My Life Part 3.

2009-04-03T11:46:00.004-05:00

Christian Hip Hop is lame. That was how I felt, it was clear to me, back 2000 when I gave my life to Christ, and was committed as a Catholic. I had been encouraged to listen to Christian music by many of the people in the group. Fact is, I never liked pop music, and rock just didn't do much for me. I loved Hip Hop music and culture, and the only Christian rap I saw, proved my point. I think I saw some music video, and they were imitating the mainstream rap at the time, which was obsessed with materialism. Mainstream rap, christian or not, did not reflect my experience. Besides, I was already listening to a lot of Underground Hip Hop that was positive. I was listening to music from artists that were Spiritual, and Moral, that did challenge me to be a better person. I was not ashamed of my "secular music."

LPG was a group that had been around in the nineties, from West Covina. The group was composed of Dax and Jurny. LPG was part of a larger crew called the Tunnel Rats.

I came across some of their music as free mp3 downloads, over the internet, most of which was from their album 360. I was very impressed. Dax and Jurny were straightforward men with a whole lot of integrity. They were not there trying to impress Christians in the pews, but were faithful to Christ. They were also not there to make money off of hip hop, and were trying to make good hip hop music.

In 2001, they released a new Tunnel Rats album, called Tunnel Vision. That was a special album for me, and I found that it inspired me in my faith. Further, The TR's were on the scene in the underground. I had picked up this vibe in much of Christian music that told people to "purge" themselves of secular influences. LPG, and the Tunnel Rats seemed to see their music as ministry. However, ministry did not just mean preaching to people about Jesus. It meant making good music, representing God, and challenging people to being positive.

I first saw them perform on the evening before Easter, 2002. It was one of the most impressive performances that I had seen. They had crowd control, they rocked the mics, they had harmony, and they had a lot of characters.

Dax and Jurny and were the OG members. They are cousins, to small dogs with a real tough bark. There was also the other original members of the TRs, Peace 586, Raphi (now going by Shames Worthy or Big Shame), Zane One. They just picked up two Boriquas from the East Coast, Macho and Elsie (who were New Breed), Dokument and Jermz, Propaganda, Sev Statik, and Dert was on the beats.

Since then, they have released a variety of solo albums, that were equally impressive. Unfortunatly, the record label that they had released most of their albums went under. They were planning a series of albums with collaborations from a large variety of hip hop artists, that would never get finished. Of course that only fueled their artistic creativity, because they were free from label influences.

When Hip Hop legend KRS-One had a conversion to Christianity, and was seeking out some legit Hip Hop, he connected with the TRz, and released an album Life in 2005. With that support, and other side projects, the Tunnel Rats were doing a lot less work.

The last time I saw them, was when it was turning 2008. I celebrated New Years Eve with the Tunnel Rats (and Poems of L.A. Symph, RedCloud and Syntax records, Theory Hazit, and the amazing Braille and Ohmega Watts of Lightheaded). I remember Macho leading the countdown, it was another impressive set from the TRz.

Just last year, however, Propaganda, and last month, Zane One, released a couple solo albums. "Listen Watch Focus" and "L.A. Woman." Two very impressive albums. Propaganda had been appearing all over the place on so many different collaborations, and it was great to hear his own work. It had also been Zane One's first solo album, which was awesome. I will be looking forward to more of their releases.

Fabiola

2009-04-03T11:27:00.003-05:00

Fabi and I met in October 2000, at a San Gabriel Mission Life Teen retreat, in Rosemead. She was put into the confirmation program by some accident (because she was already confirmed). She actually talked to me at the retreat, and that is how we met.

She was involved with the Life Teen program, and had made many other friends there at the time. It had been at some point that another friend of mine started going out with her. I remember being at a low point in my life and somehow I turned to her as I just trusted her. Eventually she would hook me up with one of her friends, but it never worked out. I did return the favor a couple years later. Eventually my friend and her broke up, but the strange thing was, that we managed to continue being friends. We kept in touch freqently enough.

By about 2005, I gave her one of the many kittens that we had over the years, and that gave us another reason to keep in touch frequently. When I moved to San Diego we talked regularly on the phone, added to that we were both on the same phone service.

I must admit that I have learned a lot from her. There are struggles that many young women go through, most of which I never imagined. I know that I do have more sympathy, and compassionate understanding of women as a result of her. By the very fact that she has needed some advice on guys, I trust her so much, had I needed advice on women, she would have been the first one that I turned to. Despite that, I notice she does offer an alternative perspective to my own mission on life, a perspective that is enriched by her experience as a young woman, of which I would be oblivious to. In this she has become a younger sister to me

She is a very dedicated and compassionate person. She is studying to be a social worker. She also has a talent for dance. Of course, I trust her on that one, because I have never seen her dance. She dreams of being a social worker overseas someday, and I pray that she will get her degree, because I know that she can do a lot of good in this world.

Superman

2009-04-03T11:04:00.005-05:00

I met Mario at St. Phillip's Church in Pasadena, CA in the Spring of 04. He was a student PCC like myself at the time, and he used to attend Daily Mass at noon like I did. He did stand out, considering most of the folks there were old and retired, or business people on their lunch breaks. Mario typically had tshirts of the Cure or Superman.

From there, he would be invited to one of our young adult retreats at the San Gabriel Mission. He was interested in getting involved, and was making new friends there. However, He was still involved with the youth ministry at his home parish in West Covina where he lived. I, however, did not spend too much time getting to know him, because my mom was in her last moments of life.

It would be the right time, the following fall, as Mario and I would begin, just by accident, to spend a lot of time together. I found that I clicked with him on so many levels. Not only did we share a love for the same cartoons and comics as kids, he was very artistic. Mario also has had a lot of struggles in life, that I identify with. In the midst of coping with a life of joys and sorrows, he has always managed to inspire me.

I also really liked his room. He spent a lot of time over the years expressing himself through art.

Since then, we do not have to talk that frequently, but he is likely the first person that I will visit when I come out to Los Angeles, afterall, he was the first person to visit me when I moved to San Diego. Mario and I do may not talk on the phone frequently, but we do have a consistency in our friendship. We trust it to last a long time, so four months is a relatively short time in our estimation.

I do know, that if I were to get married, Mario would be the best man, not just because he is so close to me, but he really knows how to throw a party.

Mario is a troublemaker, but so was Jesus. I do think, when you are really following Jesus, you will start causing trouble. On the other hand, he has a relationship with God that is special, and does not make sense to people upon first meeting him.

The Wu-Tang Clan, How Hip Hop Saved My Life Part 2

2009-03-25T10:33:00.003-05:00

In 1997 I listened to the Wu Tang Clan's album "Forever." It changed my life. Before then, all rap music that I was familiar with, was exclusively gangster rap. I remember Old School Hip Hop having more innocence. As a white lower middle class guy, I could not relate to gangster rap. I loved the beats and rhythms, but the content was tolerable.

The first thing that stood out was the admiration of asian martial arts styles. Every kid of my generation grew up with ninjas, and kung fu monks, and was fascinated by it. This was the first time I found Hip Hop that used martial arts as inspiration. It would be influential on much more Hip Hop.

RZA, the real brains and beats behind the operation, begins discs two with an announcement. "For the last year theres been a lot of music, been week, a lotta n---s try to take Hip Hop and make that R&B, Rap and bulls--t." This struck me, it was a slap in the face of everything I knew about contemporary rap music. All of it was sounding the same, and it was rather unimpressive, I suppose I listened to it, because it was the only option out there for music.

What became a startling discovery for me, was the realization that there was so much more good Hip Hop music out there, along the same spirit. The Wu-Tang was part of a large movement within Hip Hop culture, that sought to excell in the art, with sick beats and lyrics, that pushed the boundaries of what we knew of Hip Hop. I also found in Hip Hop, a spiritual consciousness. Despite the negativity, I have to admit, the fact that they were unambiguously interested in honoring God in some way. I suppose if I were to engage in any other indie music sub culture I could have been immediately an atheist.

More than that, I was challenged intellectually. I could not just listen to the lyrics, and have everything spelled out. The intellectual activity required of those who listen, expanded my horizons. A sample of some of the lyrics of the GZA and the RZA, the two frontmen of the group, sampled from the song "Triumph" off the same album.

"Olympic torch flamin' we burn so sweet / the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat / we crush slow, flaimin deluxe slow / for judgment day cometh conquer its war / allow us to escape hell glow spinnin bomb / pocket full of shells out the sky golden arms / tune spit the s--t mortal combat sound / the fateful step make the blood stain the ground / a jungle junkie vigilante tantrum / a death kiss, catwalk, squeeze another anthem / hold it for ransom, tranquilized with anesthesias / my orchestra, graceful, music ballerinas / my music Sicily, rich California smell / an axekiller adventure, paint a picture well / i sing a song from sing-sing sippin on ginseng / righteous wax chaperon, rotatin ring king.

Watch for the wooden soldiers cypher punks couldn't hold us / a thousand men rushin in, not one n--- was sober / perpendicular to the square we stamp gold like fleer / escape from your dragon's lair, in particular / my beats travel like a vortex through your spine / to the top of your cerebral cortex / make you feel like you --- from raw sex / enter through your right ventricle, clog up your bloodstream / now terminal like Grand Central Station / program fat baselines on Novation / gettin' drunk like f-- duckin five year probation."

It was not too long before I started looking for more music of this callibre. I soon found their first album, and some of the solo albums by various members of the Wu Tang Clan. It got to a point, where I could not listen to the radio at all. I had discovered something too amazing to ever go back.

I saw Wu Tang at Rock the Bells. They were the headliner for Rock the Bells 2006, the last Hip Hop show I saw before moving into the Novitiate. It was the show to end all Hip Hop shows. Unfortunately, ODB already passed away, and I was not able to catch a performance by the full roster. It was an historic day for my life, nonetheless.

Since then, I heard their first single "Shame on a n---" as the opening theme for the movie "knocked up." It is clear that the Wu-Tang has had a following among people that they never intended their music for. And another term I have been hearing recently is "Classic Hip Hop." Everything from Run-DMC, to Rakim, and even Wu-Tang has been thrown together here. I suppose it is a better thing than saying "Old School," which can sound more deragotory. Classic sounds reverent.

Grandma

2009-03-12T19:10:00.003-05:00

My beautiful grandmother, her name is Mary Hales, still alive and well, and very beautiful.

She's Irish to the core, and came over to this country in her very early years, by way of Michigan. She was married to Edward Hales on Valentine's Day, whom they had many wonderful years together, and seven kids together, including my own mom. They moved out to Southern California just before my mom was in high school, where they would remain.

She has always been the backbone of our family. Often times, growing up, we would gather at her house for Christmas, and typically Thanksgiving. She would gather the myriad of grandchildren over, where she would take care of us. However, our blessed encounters were not limited to the holidays, because I grew up within walking distance.

My mom was always very close to her parents, so we would frequent there often. When there was some minor gardening, or household work, I was typically the first one that she would call. I do not think that she was interested in getting all sorts of work done, she was more interested in making sure I had enough money.

When I was a teenager, drifting into all sorts of nonsense, I was not too far from my mom, and neither was I too far from my Grandmother. That was an incredible blessing, because in all of my detachment, I was anchored to God through loving people like her. I could never drift too far.

Her home was decorated with images and symbols of our Irish heritage, and plenty images of the Blessed Mother. She was heavily involved with the Claretian Missionary Priests that ran our parish, where she worked at their provincial office. She tells me that they used to call her "Mother Superior," for the way she looked out for them.

She is a blessing and a beautiful woman, who I am blessed to have in my life.

St. Antony the Great

2009-02-04T19:29:00.009-06:00

Antony the Great, Antony of Egypt, Antony of the Dessert, or Antony the hermit... He goes by many names. He is by far one of my favorite saints, and influences on my vocation.

Some notes should be said first of all on his context. For almost two hundred years, being a Christian meant the risk of criminal persecution, and death; or the more spiritual connotation: Martyrdom. Then, suddenly, Christianity became approved and sanctioned by the Roman Empire, that sought to destroy it.

As there was a major influx of converts into the Church, it suddenly became much easier to be a Christian. The only problem was, that in some way, being a Christian suddenly lost its romantic intensity. If Christendom had derived so much inspiration from those who laughed in the face of humiliation, pain, suffering, and death, no longer had to overcome such trials, the new Christian had to find a new standard for the new times. So to speak, if carrying your cross and following Jesus no longer meant literal martyrdom, there needed to be a new sort of intense witness of carrying the cross. The vocation of the hermit filled that gap during this transition, and became a new expression of radical Christian discipleship.

One of the first credible Saints was Antony, but by no means was he the first hermit. He lived near Alexandria, where the soon to be Athanasius chronicled his life. Some details, that we would consider very important today, remain rather obscure. What we do know is this: As a young man his family died, and he inherited the estate. He was compelled to give everything to Jesus, and his younger sister and him followed this call. Antony went into the desert, or the wilderness, outside of the security of life in civilaztion, to face Satan. He had a major epiphany in a tomb, but only after a number of people thought he was dead. He also spent a lot of time learning on a practical level from the hermits who went before him. The following is a passage I found to be very rellevant. Despite the fact that he was in so much solitude, he was somehow more harmonious and human than most of the folks around.

And so for nearly twenty years he continued training himself in solitude, never going forth, and but seldom seen by any. After this, when many were eager and wishful to imitate his discipline, and his acquaintances came and began to cast down and wrench off the door by force, Antony, as from a shrine, came forth initiated in the and filled with the . Then for the first time he was seen outside the fort by those who came to see him. And they, when they saw him, wondered at the sight, for he had the same habit of body as before, and was neither fat, like a man without exercise, nor lean from fasting and striving with the demons, but he was just the same as they had him before his retirement. And again his soul was free from blemish, for it was neither contracted as if by grief, nor relaxed by pleasure, nor possessed by laughter or dejection, for he was not troubled when he beheld the crowd, nor overjoyed at being saluted by so many. But he was altogether even as being guided by reason, and abiding in a natural state. Through him the Lord healed the bodily ailments of many present, and cleansedothers from evil spirits to Antony in speaking, so that he consoled many that were sorrowful, and set those at variance at one, exhorting all to prefer the of Christ before all that is in the world. And while he exhorted and advised them to remember the things to come, and the loving-kindness of Godtowards us, 'Who spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all,' he persuaded many to embrace the solitary life. And thus it happened in the end that cells arose even in the mountains, and the dessert, who came forth from their own people, and enrolled themselves for the citizenship in the heavens. (New Advent Fathers - Life of Antony )

The personal effect he has had on me is this:

I read his book a few years before entering religious life, and then after religious life. It made a whole lot of sense the second time around.

First effect is this, holiness, in the most holistic sense, demands faith, prayer, and battle. Someone who runs from "the devil" and is always overcome by fears and temptation, cannot get there. Most important, it is God alone who makes us whole, not the right social status, relationships, educational degrees, food, shelter, clothes. Antony had non of that, but he had God, and somehow everyone was jealous.

Second effect is his humility in learning the traditions that went before him. Eventually he would have a number of followers, and have some more wisdom to hand down. I hope that my experiences may amount to value for the community after me.

Third, Antony was never a priest. One of the confusions over my life style is this; that I am studying to be a priest. I have little desire for the honor of such an office. Antony himself was never a priest, and much of my calling to be a priest is outside of me, a vocation that people have recognized and affirmed in me. To me, like Antony, the most important thing is that I give myself entirely to God in religious life and service. Religious Life is the call that I have recognized in my self first, and I know that I could be very happy in life being an Augustinian and never getting ordained. (Of course, this is just saying, what gives me greater satisfaction in life is not priesthood, but religious life).

Finally, the resurrection. He went and locked himself in a tomb for a period of time. Everyone else gave up hope, and he seemed dead. It was there that he had an epiphany, and God glorified him. Glory only came after death and suffering. I know that as I confront death, there is so much freedom. Anyways it just goes to show you the TRUTH behind the scripture passage, that unless a grain of wheat falls and dies, it remains a grain of wheat. If it dies, it brings new life. Antony certainly did that.

Fr. Tom Behan, OSA

2009-01-26T20:42:00.010-06:00

The Second Augustinian Friar that I met in person was Fr. Tom Behan. He was, at the time, and still is, on the staff of priests at Our Mother of Good Counsel in Los Angeles.

It was in the fall of '03 that I first contacted the Augustinians in California, and was thus invited to have lunch with the Good Counsel community. Perhaps it was in effort to get to know some Augustinians. Perhaps they wanted to get to know

me (or make sure I wasn't completely nuts!). I had a few visits with the community there over the next two years before I joined.

I learned that Fr. Tom was born in New York, and ended up here. Quite an adventure, but that isn't the half. For his theological studies, he ended up in

Rome, which would also be the location of his ordination, and first celebration of Mass. Our Order has a school, St. Monica's which is literally across the

street from St. Peter's,

which would have been where he studied. After that, he was in New York for several years.

Until about 1970, the Augustinians in California were run out of Philladelphia, which was where the first Augustinian establishments were in this country. It was at that time, that California became a province, an autonomous governing body. When that happened, Fr. Tom decided to stick around in L.A. it was no wonder, everybody was loving him out here.

First time we were together, he insisted on watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I guess I remember that, because it was one of the only shows I watched on tv at that time. I also learned he is crazy for Christmas trees. I am sure that if they lasted the whole year, he would gladly keep it up, with decorations and all. He is also always fun to be around, sometimes you can tell that he is up to mischief, by the look on his face. This has been so important to me, to have him welcome me into the Order, as well as to make sure I am having enough fun.

Also, kudos to Fr. Tom, he just celebrated his Golden Jubilee this past year. Although, I was not present at the occasion, it was a packed event.

Finally, he has got one of the best singing voices. Hearing him chant the Mass is a sacred experience.

Lauryn Hill - How Hip Hop Saved my Life 1

2009-01-20T19:38:00.008-06:00

A lot of ladies have come up, and claim to be hip hop, while singing on a track, but in my mind never quite make the cut. They sing something, and dance in the music video, dressed like a slut. I cannot think of many women singers that I was able to admire in their feminity and talent.

Lauryn Hill was the exception. She is hard to classify in terms of genre. She is Funk, Soul, Rhythm & Blues, but also Hip Hop. Most of the ladies just can't cut it with the Hip Hop styles, and she does.

The real story about all of this amounts to a vivid memory I had at a crucial moment of my life. When I was sixteen, I was seriously asking the question quite frequently: "Who Am I?" I was left quite RESTLESS by this nagging problem. I remember Lauryn Hill accepting an award, and saying that she asked that question. She said "I could never find an answer, until I found God." I didn't have a magic conversion at that moment, but it did become a significant WITNESS for me.

When I was 15-16, a freshman in high school, her music was all over the radio. Her album came out, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was realeased in 1998. I was not crazy about the hit single "That Thing," probably because I was one of those guys who was only about that thing... My favorite off of the album was "Everything is Everything."

I philosophy Possibly speak tongues / Beat drum, Abyssinian, street Baptist / Rap this in fine linen / From the beginning / My practice extending across the atlas / I begat this / Flippin' in the ghetto on a dirty mattress / You can't match this rapper actress / More powerful than two Cleopatras / Bomb graffiti on the tomb of Nefertiti / MCs ain't ready to take it to the Serengeti / My rhymes is heavy like the mind of Sister Betty / L. Boogie spars with stars and constellations / Then came down for a little conversation / Adjacent to the king, fear no human being / Roll with cherubims to Nassau Coliseum / Now hear this mixture / Where hip hop meets scripture / Develop a negative into a positive picture.

Now, everything is everything / What is meant to be, will be / After winter, must come spring / Change, it comes eventually.

I was feeling the lyrics, there was so much substance. She was not obsessed with sex, but had principle. She was not condescending, but also intelligent. She had a clear agenda of love spirit and justice. Sorry I was freestyling, but I admit she won my respect.

When I was in high school, I borrowed the album from my best friend Marcos, and listened to it frequently at that point. I was also beginning to notice that there were a variety of social groups throughout high school. I imagine that if i had been hanging out with a different social group, I may have gone atheist. Despite my moral depravity in high school, I still believed in some sort of God. However, I did act as if there was no God. The latent hypocrisy of my lifestyle gave way to much emptiness. I am glad that people of integrity like Lauryn Hill were around, when there was so much more filth out there on the radio and MTV.

When I first got into back into the Church around 2000, one of the girls involved in the youth group, Melissa, was big into Lauryn Hill. I took this as a sign of how God works.

Flash forward to the summer of 2006. Rock the Bells was happening, the line up included virtually every single Hip Hop act that had influenced me. I went with Marcos. This was quite momentous, because it was one weekend before leaving for novitiate, and to me it was the Hip Hop Show to END ALL Hip Hop Shows. There was a surprise guest that night, and it was the lovely Lauryn Hill. I felt like God was giving me a special gift, because I got to see her live, without ever having planned it. Of course Marcos was excited too, but I was the one who thought it was DIVINE INTERVENTION!!!